Sometimes I wonder how I got here. I am 25 and haven't finished any of the things I thought I would by now. When I was a kid I always just assumed I would follow my parents example. Finish school, get married and start having kids. I thought that was how people did things.

When I graduated highschool that idea repulsed me. I wanted so much more for my life. Kids and a husband seemed like settling.  I wanted to get my degree and see the world. I pursued that with everything I could.

Then life got in the way. Somewhere along the road I dropped out of school and built a different life for myself. I moved out of my parents house and have floated around. Believing things about myself and convincing myself that this is what I really want. I do like my life a lot. I have awesome roommates, an incredible house, a community, and chickens. This is a good place I find myself in, but I am not satisfied, I still want those things and I am still dreaming.

He who promised is faithful!

Yesterday Fiona died.

I came home from work and she didnt come out her house to say hello.

I knew I just knew.

She was curled up in her nest.

I am glad she was comfortable.

I have wandered and am trying to find my way back. I miss the intimacy of my Love.

Peace is necessary

I opened a huge box of picture frames over the weekend. They were a gift (sort of) from my uncle, who was in the process of getting rid of stuff. They were frames my grandfather's sister had once owned. There were two pictures of her that I think we will hang in the house. Something of a tie.

On top of the box was a little tiny rifle gun. I gave it to Daniel. Who promptly stuck it in his mouth and pretended it was a trumpet and ran around my house playing it at the top of his lungs. Oh I love that kid.

He asked me this week "what do you call yourself?" well it depends on the day I guess.

Aaron is huge! He can roll and soon he will be talking and it is just gonna get loud!

Ok?

Buried in this sea of selfish desires and impurities. I hear Him call and I want to listen, I want to trust again. I just refuse. I find myself so angry, with so many questions and I hurt. Mostly I hurt.

For the LORD your God has arrived to live among you. He is a mighty savior. He will rejoice over you with great gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will exalt over you by singing a happy song."

I desire the truth of this, I want my fears calmed. I want to once again to hear His song over me.

I just want to be ok....

Pizza helper

Nothing makes me happier then this kid!

safe

Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You. Psalm 73:25

I have tried to run and yet i still feel HIM I hear His voice and sense HIS presence all around me.  I am worthless and useless and yet He desires. 

¹⁵The LORD hath taken away thy judgments, he hath cast out thine enemy: the king of Israel, even the LORD, is in the midst of thee: thou shalt not see evil any more.

   ¹⁶In that day it shall be said to Jerusalem, Fear thou not: and to Zion, Let not thine hands be slack.

   ¹⁷The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.